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Baba’s ‘remedy’ for population control

Illustration: Sandeep Joshi

Aradhika Sharma

Overheard: A conversation between a kaamwali and her lady employer:

Kamla: Namaste ma’am ji. Kya haal hain?

Namaste Kamla auntie. Why didn’t you come yesterday? I had to do all your cleaning work before going to office. As if I already have less work.

Kamla: Arre... forget about all that. First have a laddoo. I’m going to be a dadi!

Again? Your son already has three children!

Kamla: Who can prevent God’s will, ma’am ji?

Madame: Humph! It’s getting harder and harder to make ends meet. Have you thought about how they will clothe, feed and educate so many children? Even the rich seths can’t do it nowadays.

Kamala: What can my son do? It is jawani ka josh.

Madame: Let him get some hosh as well! Tell your son and bahu to take birth control measures.

Kamla: The men in our family don’t get the ‘operation’ done. They say they will become kamzor.

Madame: Rubbish! Anyway, tell your bahu to get a Copper T inserted. Every government hospital does it for free. If you want, I’ll take her on Saturday.

Kamla: Nahin ma’am ji. 540 number wali madam took her to ‘gorment’ hospital once to get Copper T. My bahu said that she was getting pain with it. So, she went to the basti ki docterni and made her remove it.

Madame: Then she can try birth control pills.

Kamla: That Mala-D wali dawai? They make women feel sick.

Madame: Bah! What about your son using the condom then?

Kamla: My bahu said my son doesn’t like it.

Madame: That’s crazy! Why?

Kamla: Less enjoyment, na.

Madame: Uff! There’s no convincing you people. Ab toh I’ve started thinking that Baba Ramdev’s population control solution actually makes sense. There’s simply no other way to convince people like your son and bahu.

Kamla: Achcha. Why? Is he showing some yoga asana on TV that can prevent pregnancy?

Madame: Don’t be silly!

Kamla: Is he making some dawai?

Madame: No.

Kamla: Then he must be offering some natural solutions of birth control — like he gives for other diseases. His cure for khansi-zukaam is sure shot! Mix a few drops of tulsi juice, a few drops of adrak and a little honey. Khansi gayab!

Madame: Have you gone mad, Kamla? Is pregnancy a disease to be cured by home remedies?

Kamla: Then what method does babaji suggest for controlling pregnancy?

Madame: He says that the government should make a law that third child would not be allowed to vote, he/she can neither contest election nor enjoy any type of privileges and facilities given by the government.

Kamla: Matlab?

Madame: Matlab... if you have more than two children, they can’t vote, go to the government schools or hospitals or get government jobs.

Kamla: Ye kya baat hui? If he talks like this, I’ll stop buying his Patanjali bartan soap.

Madame: I guess that will teach him a lesson!

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